Tales


Sympathy For The Devil



  She enjoyed the rain.  She absolutely loved it.  It had been raining a lot, lately, and she found this particularly pleasing.

  Actually, she was not entirely pleased, because there has been a lot of flooding in some areas.  Many people were driven from their homes, and a few people were even injured.  She was fortunate enough to not live in one of the flooded areas, and the fact that she loved the constant downpour so much made her occasionally feel guilty.  Still, there was nothing she could do to stop any of it, so she decided to focus more on the brighter side.

  Today, she had decided to take a stroll around the town.  With her umbrella above her, she walked down the streets and enjoyed the sight and sounds.

  The sky was almost a solid gray, with occasional variations caused by the shading of the darker, fluffier storm clouds.  There were hardly any people on the streets, or anywhere else but their homes, or in some cases, the homes of friends or family who were kind enough to take them in.  The only sound was the constant splattering of heavy drops.

  She had decided to investigate the park, because it was the part of town that seemed the least urban.  She felt like some solitude; a break from daily life, and a drive into the country side was out of the question.

  The quaint bridge across the park's stream was just around the corner of the row of hedges at her right.  She smiled a moment in anticipation of the sight of the stream as its usually reflective surface is beaten matte by rain drops.

  She turned the corner and paused at the sight of a man standing in the middle of the bridge.  She was initially disappointed, but that quickly gave way to curiosity as the man had no umbrella and seemingly little care that he was positively soaked.

  She walked again, towards this man dressed in a brown suit.  He was a slightly balding man, who appeared to be in his late forties, and whose thin hair draped sadly down the sides of his head.  She did not know why he was not wearing the brown hat that he had squashed between his palm and the bridge's rail as he leaned.

  He just stared out along the length of the stream.  He appeared a little depressed.

  "Hello," she called out as she drew nearer to him.  He said nothing.  She stopped beside him and held the umbrella over the both of them, but she said nothing.  She decided to just watch him a moment.  She was a little behind him, so she was not in his immediate peripheral.

  It took him almost half a minute to realize he was no longer being rained upon.  He first turned is face upward a little, blinked in confusion, then looked upward some more.  He saw the edge of the umbrella, then looked to his right, surprised to see her.

  "Hi," she said, smiling at him.

  "Hi," he replied.  "What are you doing out here?"

  "I'm enjoying the day.  I think a better question would be why are you standing out in the rain, letting yourself get soaked."

  "You're enjoying this," he asked, ignoring her own query.

  "Yeah, I love the rain," she replied.

  "You know all this rain is hurting some people, right?"

  "Yes, I know it is, but that doesn't mean there's nothing good about it.  The rain itself, I mean."

  He looked forward again.  "I guess not."

  "So, why are you out hear getting soaked to the bone?"

  He sighed.  "I'm a little depressed."

  "You wanna talk about it?  I'll be glad to listen."

  He looked at her again, inspecting her face and eyes, then swung his head around forward again.  "I'm just not the same as I was."  She stayed quiet.  "I've lost my touch.  I can't seem to do anything right, anymore.  She just won't have me."

  Ah, female troubles.  This was starting to make a little more sense.  "Who just won't have you?  What's her name?"

  "Well, she doesn't actually have a name," he said.  She was confused again.  "She's an angel, you see.  She's never taken a physical form, so she never had a name even for a little while."

  "An angel?  You mean a real angel, with the wings and everything?"

  He looked down at his hands and shifted his weight.  "No, no.  Angels don't actually have wings.  That's just how they sometimes used to appear to people.  They're not physical creatures."

  "Okay.  So, what exactly is the problem?"

  "I can't have her.  That's the problem.  You try for eons to get someone to be with you, and you get nothing."

  Eons?  This was getting very strange, but fascinating.  He turned his head and looked back at her.

  "You know the ice age?"

  "You mean when ice covered the earth?"

  "Yeah, that's the one," he replied.  "That's what happened when I first asked her to join me.  That was a cold shoulder the entire planet felt."  He looked off into the distance.  "I was a little down, for a while after that, but I eventually dealt with it by really throwing myself into my work."

  "Your work?  What work might that be."

  "Oh, you know… evil and stuff.  The great corruption of all humankind."

  She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

  "I did some really great work for a while.  I mean, nothing that actually ultimately succeeded, but Rome wasn't built in a day, right?"  He paused a moment.

  "Yeah.  Rome," he continued.  "Those Romans were a blast.  They were my first grand scale effort.  Total world domination was actually almost within my grasp.  I could have eventually had all of humankind.  Then god totally blind-sided me with Jesus.  I definitely wasn't expecting that one."  He shook his head as he looked down into the stream.

  "Everything was going good until Jesus came along and started performing miracles all over the place.  I couldn't compete with that."  He turned to her with a defeated expression.  "I'm not a god, you know.  I don't have that kind of power."  He turned back around to lean against the rail.

  She patted him on the shoulder.  "Now, now. Don't fret over what you can't change," she said to console him.

  "It was an unfair move, if you ask me.  It dampened my spirits a little, but I kept trying.  The whole Jesus thing pretty much ruined any hope for having the whole world, but I still managed to make some great moves.  Hitler was a real stand-out moment, but I think my favorite post Roman accomplishment was the Spanish Inquisition."

  "Really?  The Spanish Inquisition?  But they were part of the church."  She was confused.

  "Yes, they were.  That's what made them so good.  My favorites are the ones who do evil in the name of god and think they are doing good.  They're the ones that really piss god off, and that's always a kick."

  He let out a small sigh, releasing his fleeting moment of joy.  "Yeah, they're always fun, but I hadn't managed anything of that caliber since then."

  "What about Hitler?  He was pretty terrible, and didn't he claim he was doing God's work, or something like that?  My knowledge on the matter is less than great."

  "Yeah, it was something like that, but it still wasn't the same.  I mean, yeah, genocide on his scale was impressive, and he was among my best projects, don't get me wrong, but he wasn't an actual man of the church."

  He turned a little towards her, holding up his thumb and index finger, of his right hand, slightly apart.  "That's the little extra quality that makes them truly great."

  "I guess so," she said.  She didn't know of anything else to say. She definitely had no constructive response.  It's not like a morality debate was going to accomplish anything.

  "Yeah, Hitler was my last really big project.  I started really slacking off.  It was kind of a depressing defeat.  You see, after it was over, I realized my error.  I had gotten a lot of people killed, but I got hardly any of the souls.  Maximum effort for minimum return.  Know what I mean?"

  "Yeah, I can see that.  I guess it was another significant turning point, then, huh?"

  "Yes it was," he said all at once.  "At least it pissed off god.  But after that I just wasn't trying as hard.  I started a lot of little projects.  I guess it was a vain attempt to compensate quality with quantity."

  "This modern age didn't help, either," he continued.  "Every country can know what every other country is doing.  You got grand scale weapons that you're really afraid of.  It's virtually impossible to get away with anything truly magnificent anymore."

  "Yeah, you're right."

  "Castro and Saddam are about as good as I can manage, now.  I've been concentrating a lot on the general middle eastern area, there."  He looked at her briefly, "That's obviously not Castro, of course."

  She nodded.  "Well, yeah, of course."  He was quiet for a time, just staring out over the stream.  She looked at him for a while, then she also watched the rain falling on the water.

  "I've been thinking about her a lot, lately," he spoke again, pulling her from a trance.  That's the main problem.  That's the reason for all this."  He looked up at the sky and spread is arms out.  His flat palms caught the rain.

  "What?  This rain?  You thinking about her causes this rain?"

  "Yeah," he answered.  He put his hands back on the bridge's rail.  "Well, not directly.  The connection is between my personal decline and all the so-called natural disasters."

  "I don't understand."  She was going to say more, but he cut her off.

  "Of course you don't, Renee.  No one does."

  How did he know my name, she thought?  Or was it a stupid question?

  "No one understands anything," he continued.  "That's what helps me work."  He paused briefly, lowered his head, and then added, more quietly, "It also doesn't help with the loneliness."

  She rested a hand against his back.

  "It's lonely business being God's only enemy.  Sometimes I wish I were an angel again, just for the companionship, but it's not time for me to go back, yet."

  Back?  This is new. "What?"

  "I guess it was that desire that made me try to get her to join me. I just wanted a-"

  "No.  What's this about going back?  I've never heard anything about that, before."

  "No, that's a private matter really.  I'm not actually supposed to tell anyone about it.  Well, maybe 'private' isn't the right word.  It's actually supposed to be a surprise."

  He turned around and leaned back against the rail.  "I'm sort of serving time, right now.  Have been for eons.  I have what you could think of as a parole hearing coming up relatively soon.  You know that whole thousand years of peace thing in the bible?"

  "Yeah."

  "That's my parole hearing.  I stop doing my work and I plead my case."

  "Wait.  That doesn't make sense.  If that's the case, then why are you still promoting evil?  Wouldn't doing good be what gets you back into heaven?"

  "It would seem that way on the surface, wouldn't it?  You see, I was a bad angel, and I got cast down.  I was real mad, and I pretty much developed this grudge against god.  My anger grew until it was so great that god and I were, well," he glanced up to the sky, "much like hot air colliding with cold air to make thunder."

  He held his hands as fists in front of him then spread them as he made an explosion sound.

  "The big bang," she asked.

  "Yep.  Nothing was actually happening, except for me getting more and more angry.  My bad vibes were getting on god's nerves, big time, so god decided to distract me with a sort of challenge; a game, if you will."

  "A game?  With the universe as the game board, I presume?"  This was slightly shocking; to find that life was a game between god and the devil.

  "That's right.  Well, mainly Earth.  The universe was on a balance between good and evil.  Pretty much everything in it was neutral.  Humans are the game pieces.  It's all about getting the souls.  Strategy and manipulation.  It's not too unlike an extremely large, complex game of chess, I suppose.  That would be the standard comparison, anyway."

  "That doesn't really sound like a very nice thing for God to do.  Create people only to gamble their souls.  And do you really torture the ones you get?"

  "Of course.  All work and no play, you know?  And the whole thing is actually very fair for you.  Humans have free will.  I'm the one that got stiffed when god let humans know about heaven and hell.  When god started letting things be known, I lost a huge advantage.  I mean, really, where would you rather spend your afterlife?"

  "I see what you mean."

  "Exactly."  He said nothing for a few seconds.  He seemed to be thinking about something.  "What was I supposed to be talking about," he finally asked.

  She thought backwards through the conversation.  "Um.  Oh, the natural disasters."

  "Ah, yes.  As I said, as a long as both god and I are working perfectly equally, all the universe is in complete balance, but we're never working completely perfectly, so you have things like volcanoes, hurricanes, asteroids wiping out dinosaurs."

  "Wait," she interrupted.  "That reminds me.  There was life on the planet long before humans came along.  How do you explain that, if humans are the game pieces?"

  "It's all part of the game board, as it were.  Give the planet history; some character.  Gives you humans more to do.  Keeps you interested.  So, anyway, I've not been doing as much as I used to, and that's disrupted the balance even more than usual."

  "You know, in the Bible, an increase in natural disasters was predicted.  I don't see how you could be causing the way you say you are if that's the case."

  A semi-disgusted looked covered his face.  "Don't remind me.  I didn't pay it much mind at first.  I thought god was just trying to psyche me out.  Later on, when I realized it was coming true, it was like rubbing my nose in my own failure.  God knew how I felt about that angel, and how she felt about me.  God had anticipated my depression.  Smart bugger, god is.  What do you expect from ultimate wisdom?  I was stupid to think I had a chance."

  "So why do you keep playing at all?  I mean, can't you still give a lot of attention, but do so for the sake of good?  Maybe save a lot of people some pain?"

  "No, I can't do that.  I don't need any honor when dealing with humans, but I do have some honor.  It may suck for me, but I am playing through to the end."

  "You seem sure you'll lose the game, but you still have hope for getting back into heaven.  That doesn't make sense.  And how can you be in heaven if you're evil, anyway?"

  "I never said that the game determined my getting into heaven.  The game is just passing the time.  As for if I do make it, I'll definitely have to give up a lot of what I've grown accustomed to, but what I'd be getting back would be worth it."

  "Well, for what it's worth, judging by what you've told me, I think you have a pretty good chance of getting back in," she said, smiling.

  He looked into her eyes and smiled back.  "Thanks.  That's sweet of you."  He inhaled deeply as he looked to the side and continued, "But that's not what's really concerning me, right now."

  "The angel, huh?"

  "Well, that's definitely on my mind, but it's the weather that's bothering me."

  "You don't like the bad weather and the natural disasters?  The pain and suffering doesn't work for you?"

  "It does to a point, but when nature starts killing people all by itself, neither god nor I am fond of it.  It's like if a third party came in and started messing with the game pieces, but only sort of like that.  The balance factor is an accepted aspect of the game, but it's a wild card in that it can work for or against either of us."

  "So, I guess you need to not be depressed, right?"

  "Right," he said, disappointed at the fact that is was not as easy to do as it was to say.  "I decided to take some time out to think about some things.  I needed a break, even from torturing."

  "There have been times I needed to really get a way from my life.  I guess I can relate, on some super scaled-down level.  And I know what it's like to not have someone special to be with."

  He looked her in the eye and smiled a little as he said, "You know, if you turn evil and die, you can come down and be with me.  I promise I won't torture you."

  She laughed, and said with her own smile, "No, I don't think so.  Besides, you never keep your promises, anyway."

  "Normally, no.  Not my method.  But this isn't just about soul acquisition."

  "Sorry, but I'm still gonna have to pass.  For all I know, this whole thing could be an elaborate scheme to turn me.  Better safe than sorry."

  He looked down and swiveled slightly, like a nervous teenager, still with a bit of the smile.  "Okay.  I can respect that."

  "Thank you for the offer, though," she said in a sweetly sarcastic tone.

  He leaned back against the rail again.  "You're a good person, Renee.  Of no use to me at all," he added in a light, breathy tone.

  "I guess I don't really need to ask how you know my name, but what's yours?  Humans refer to you with a lot of names, but what's your real name?"

  "I don't actually have one.  Names are a physical world thing.  The spiritual world is something entirely different from the physical world.  Your best hope for understanding any of it, to even the tiniest degree, is with metaphors and symbolism.  Comparisons to physical things that you're familiar with."

  He held out his left hand, and tilted his head to the right.  "Situations like calling god a he, when there isn't actually any gender distinction.  And like what you said before about angels having wings."  He shook is head a little.  "When god needs you to see something, then you see whatever it takes to get the job done."

  He leaned his head forward, put his hand up to the side of his mouth, and said in a quieter tone, "But I really shouldn't be telling you all this, so, we'd both," he pointed upward, "appreciate it if you didn't go telling anyone else."

  "Okay," she said, laughing.

  He smiled, and his eyes kind of sparkled.  He suddenly reached his right hand around to his back pocket.  "Actually, let's see what's the name of this guy whose body I took over."

  "You took over a guy's body?  That's just rude, you know," she said, half joking.

  "Don't worry," he said, opening the wallet, "I'm just borrowing it.  He'll get it back good as new.  Won't remember a thing."

  "Good. So, what's your name, today?"

  "Aw, man!  Cecil?  What the hell kind of name is Cecil for the dark lord of all evil?"  He looked more closely at the picture on the driver's license.  "Oh, crap.  I look like that?"

  He put the wallet back in his pocket, as he spoke in a mocking tone, "Ooh, beware the clutches of the terrible Cecil.  If you're not good, kids, Cecil's gonna get ya."  He shook his head, "Man, I have hit an all time low."

  "Well, don't worry.  I'm the only one that'll ever know."

  He raised his eyebrows as he nodded is agreement with the silver lining she had found around that cloud.

  "Actually, though it was not at the time, now that the word has developed another meaning, I did have an even worse name."

  "Really.  What's that?"

  "There was a very small tribe of people in South America.  They were all wiped out by a disease, which was probably for the best, for me, but, if you can believe it, they named me Disco."

  She leaned forward, her mouth agape in surprise and amusement.  "You're kidding.  That's terrible."

  "I'm not kidding, and yes, it is awful, now."

  "I'd jokingly called disco evil many times, but I had no idea it was true.  Wow.  So, if you don't like disco, does that mean god does?"

  "Actually, no.  It's the one thing we do agree on.  We are both very disappointed with you humans for creating that."

  "On the upside," she said, "at least we do have the accomplishment of making you agree on something."

  They both laughed.  "Yeah, there is that," he said.  They quieted, and he continued to speak.  "I think my favorite is good ol' Lucifer.  It sounds classy and elegant, yet still so cunning and evil."

  "Really?"  He nodded his response, then she added, "Actually, I always thought it sounded kind of gay."

  "Oh.  Thank you for that.  That's nice," he said sarcastically as he smiled.  "Lovely."

  They were quiet for a time; both, again, watching the rain on the water, though they looked in opposite directions.  Eventually, a very loud crash of thunder shook the air, startling her slightly, and it actually started to rain a little harder than it already was raining.

  She spoke up, "If you being here is causing problems, then I suppose you probably should be getting back to where you were, huh?"

  He looked at her, then off to his right.  "Yeah.  I should go.  I'm probably lucky no one's died, today."

  "Hey, maybe God's taking a little bit of pity on you, and is keeping people safe till you get back."

  "There's always hope."  He pushed himself off of the bridge's rail and stood up straight.  "Well.  Thanks for talking to me, Renee.  I appreciate it.  I guess it wouldn't be accurate to say, see you around, and there is no good bye in the spirit world.  I guess I'll take a rare exception and say have a nice life."

  He began to turn away, not looking too happy.  She spoke, stopping him.  "Wait a minute."

  He turned back to face her.  "What?"

  She held out her free hand and said, "Come here."

  He walked and stopped in front of her, but she moved to close the small distance.  Still holding the umbrella over them both, she hugged him to her.  He was completely shocked by this at first, but he wrapped his arms around her and hugged back.  It was a strange and wonderful sensation.

  "You're a very caring person who can always see the bright side any situation, Renee."

  "Yeah?"

  "I hate people like you," he added.

  "I know."

  He squeezed her once more then they both released.  He turned away, stepped out from under her umbrella, and kept walking across the bridge until he disappeared from her sight, behind the thick curtain of rain.

  She stepped to the rail of the bridge, leaned against it, and stared at the rain drops hitting the stream.



Written:
Monday
March 12, 2001


Tales