Humanimal's Blog 095: A-C.O.N. Emergency Hotline

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

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A-C.O.N. Emergency Hotline

OPERATOR: A-C.ORN. Emergency Hotline. What is your emergency?

CALLER: Oh my Obama! Oh my Obama! Oh my Obama!

OPERATOR: Sir. Sir. Please calm down.

CALLER: (panting) Okay.... Okay.

OPERATOR: And I'll consider it a personal favor if you refrain from taking the Lord's name in vain.

CALLER: Huh? Oh, right. I very sorry.

OPERATOR: Thank you, sir? What is the nature of your emergency?

CALLER: I just accidentally voted Republican.

OPERATOR: Okay.

CALLER: I was voting for all black people, but I wasn't paying enough attention to notice that one of them was a Republican. What am I going to do? This is terrible!

OPERATOR: Okay, sir. No need to worry. We have ways of correcting such mistakes.

CALLER: Oh, good.

OPERATOR: All we need are the three emergency alternate names under which you registered to vote.

CALLER: Really?

OPERATOR: Yes, sir. What was your cartoon name, to cancel out your vote?

CALLER: Felix D. Katt.

OPERATOR: C-A-T?

CALLER: Uh, no. K-A-T-T.

OPERATOR: Okay. Dead relative, to put in the proper vote?

CALLER: William Green.

OPERATOR: Good. And now your dead celebrity, just for good measure?

CALLER: Kirk Douglas.

OPERATOR: I'm afraid he's not actually dead.

CALLER: What? Oh, no! What am I gonna do? Oh my Obama!

OPERATOR: Sir, please. Language.

CALLER: Oh, yeah. Sorry.

OPERATOR: Don't worry, sir. We have a pool of emergency names that we can draw from.

CALLER: Oh, thank Obama.

OPERATOR: Yes, sir. You can rest easy, sir. Everything will be taken care of.

CALLER: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so releaved.

OPERATOR: You're welcome, sir, and have a nice day.

CALLER: Bye.

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