Okay.  I haven't decided whether or not I want to leave this as a comment or make a blog entry of it.  I'll see how long it ends up being and decide then, but chances are it'll be long enough to blog it.

  On to business, there are a number of topics to cover in your entry, so I'll try to address them in some sense of order.  The thing that stands out in my mind the foremost, right now, is the idea of friendship.  I used to have a simple and concise "definition" of a friend, but I don't recall my exact wording, so I'll give you the long explaination.

  Friends are basically two people who share a symbiotic (or would it be sympsychotic?) emotional relationship.  They pshychologically supply each other with things they desire.  They are of use to each other.

  Some people like to romaticize the idea of friendship, and wrap it up in hearts and bows with fluffy bunnies hopping around, but when it's boiled down, it's two people using eaching other and being willing to be used by each other, emotionally.  This is not to discount a desire to do nice things for the other person, but it's still two people using each other.

  When friends break up or slowly grow apart, it's because that which was supplied is no longer being supplied, which could result in a number of ways, including personal evolution or the discovery of qualities that are found overshadowingly offensive.

  This realization is why I am not overly concerned by my own gaining or losing of friends.  What would "bother" me is either not knowing why there was a parting or knowing that it was because the other person believed something that was not true.

  I guess that would be a good segue into the topic of assumptions.

  I'm okay with telling a person what I saw and asking them to explain, but I do concider assumptions a big thing.  When you assume something, you've already decided to believe something which you do not know is true, and this is especially bad when it is something negative about someone.

  Assumptions show a lack of respect for facts and a lack of respect for the person, when they are about a person.  They are also arrogant.

  The expectaion of someone to change.  Let's see, if a person has a genuine expectaion, as in change because I want you to, then that's very selfish and arrogant.  However, going back to friendships, the "expectation" may actually be just an altimatum.  If there is an overshadowingly offensive quality showing in the other person, the altimatum offers a chance for the friendship to be spared if the given quality is removed, or possibly at least reduced.

  If the bad starts to outweigh the good, then why should a friendship be maintained?  If there is a behavior which someone finds THAT offensive, then why should they be expected to endure it?  Ultimately, anything a person does is selfish.  Where it becomes bad is when other people suffer because of it.

  Choice.  This is a tricky concept for some people, because when they think of choice, they think only of the immediate conscious thought and the immediate result.  Choice is more complicated than that.  You have to concider lines of cause and effect, which eventually becomes a whole spider web.

  There are actions we consciously choose to take, but for every action we choose, there are an infinite number of ones that we choose to NOT take.

  In the case of our own psychology, barring any genuine physiological hinderance, a person can change their attitudes, their way of thinking, their perceptions.  How these things are accomplished is often complicated, or at least takes effort, but they can be done.

  A stumbling block some might have, and I found that it often shows itself in matters of religious faith, so I'll use that as an example, is the difference between a desire for a result, and a desire to personally make the result happen.  There is a difference between wanting to have faith, and actually having it.

  I want to know how to speak a lot of different languages.  I just don't want to go through what is required to achieve that goal.  Even in a situation where you lack the knowledge of how to achieve it, there is still the choice to seek out that knowledge.  Still, you have to truly possess the determination to make it happen.

  Always keep in mind that the greatest desire always wins.  Unfortunately, all the facets of that desire are not always obvious.  Some aspect of a choice may be obvious, but there are always other factors at play.

  Still further, in addition to the desire for the result, and the desire/willingness to make the effort, you must have the desire/will to sacrifice the benefit(s) from, or related to, the thing(s) contrary to your goal.  All things have their good and bad sides.

  If you do something that is "harming" you in some way, then there is something else about it that is, in your own persepctive, beneficial.  You have to be willing to give up those things which, on some level, you perceive as good.  There is nothing that you do, think, or way that you behave that is without some kind of perceived reward for you.

  The difficult thing is discovering what it is, and that may never happen, but it doesn't really need to.  The only thing you need is to be either directly or indirectly okay with losing it.  I believe that it is this part which holds people back the most.  Alchoholism is an example of this at its more obvious.

  There's still an enourmous amount that I don't know about you, and there are a lot of details, about the situation in question, that I don't have, so I don't know all of what details or lines of thought you may be calling rational or irrational.

  From what else you've said, it sounds like you might be letting the assumptions get the better of you.  It's kind of like being afraid of the dark.  There might be nothing there, but if you imagine something frightening enough, you can literally scare yourself to death.

  The question you might ask, then, is how to not imagine it.  That's where the spiderweb of cause and effect comes in.  Sometimes it may be as simple as following a line of logical thought, but maybe the person does not have all the information required to go through the logical thought process.  Maybe they do have the information, but they have some unrecognized desire(s) that are hindering them.

  This reminds me of something I have heard a number of times.  Actually, it's a variety of things, but they all come down to the idea that what you are now is fine, so there's no need to change.  That may not have been your thought, but your last sentence in that quote has me concerned.

  Some people outright ingore their own faults.  Some people don't really see them as faults.  Some people are aware of their faults but think they should not have to change them, or that they cannot change them.

  This kind of thing saddens me.  Human beings have it in them to achieve amazing things.  The human mind is just astounding.  It's one thing to not be willing to do what it takes to achieve something amazing, but when a person makes up their mind that it's not even possible to achieve something relatively basic, it just hurts me a little.

  People create their own misery, and they're surrounded by the knowledge they need to stop, but so many people just don't see it, for whatever their reason.  The greatest desire always wins.  If your life, or some aspect of your life, is not to your liking, then concider what of your desires got you there.

  It's kind of like when I hear someone seeking advice on how to solve a problem their girl/boyfriend or spouse, especially if it's a recurring problem for them.  Instead of solving the superficial problem, correct the flaw in you that allows the problem to arise.  The wise person learned from his/her mistake.  The wiser person didn't make the mistake to begin with.

  Human beings are living collections of flaws.  Physical existence itself is weakness.  We also have the ability to overcome our weaknesses.  I'm flawed, you're flawed, you're best friend is flawed.  To some degree, we're all weak and pathetic.  It's just a fact.  The question is, what are you doing to overcome your weakness?  How many of your "individual" weakness are you "actively" striving to eliminate?

  It's one of those things that like teaching someone to ride a bike.  All you can do is explain the mechanics.  You can't really teach anyone to ride a bike.

  You and your friend are both giving each other crap, and you have not mentioned any outside reason(s) why either of you should have to put up with it.  My thought is, "bye bye; been mostly nice knowing you", but I'm not you, and I don't know him.  Obviously, there is some desire, or most likely, many desires, you have that are keeping you willing to endure him in as much as you do.  It might be a good idea to start there and follow the whys.

  Most of this reply may sound like I'm taking his side, but really I'm giving him as little concideration as I can, because he is largely irrelevant beyond the surface of this matter.  The solution to any problem you have starts within yourself.

  Here are a couple of relevant Excerpts from Hagakure.

To give a person one's opinions and correct his faults is an important thing. It is compassionate and comes first in matters of service. But the way of doing this is extrememly difficult. To discover the good and bad points of a person is an easy thing, and to give an opinion concerning them is easy, too. For the most part, people think that they are being kind by saying the things that others find distasteful or difficult to say. But if it not received well, they think that there is nothing more to be done. This is completely worthless. It is the same as bringing shame to a person by slandering him. It is nothing more than getting it off one's chest.     To give a person an opinion one must first judge well whether that person is of the disposition to receive it or not. One must become close with him and make sure that he continually trusts one's word. Approaching subjects that are dear to him, seek the best way to speak and to be well understood. Judge the occasion, and determine whether it is better by letter or at the time of leave-taking. Praise his good points and use every device to encourage him, perhaps by talking about one's own faults without touching on his, but so that they will occur to him. Have him receive this in a way that a man would drink water when his throat is dry, and it will be an opinion that will correct faults.     This is extremely difficult. If a person's fault is a habit of some years prior, by and large it won't be remedied. I have had this experience myself. To be intimate with all one's comrades, correcting each other's faults, and being of one mind to be of use to the master is the great compassion of a retainer. By bringing shame to a person, how can one expect to make him a better man?