What do I want to happen to me when I die? I've thought about it a number of times; some serious thoughts, some not so serious thoughts.

  A less-than serious scenario involved a party out in the country where a wooden scaffolding would be built.  I would be stood up somewhere, so that I could be viewed and whatnot.  I'd be nude but with a white sheet around at least my waist (and down).  Eventually, whomever my closest friend might be would wrap me up, heft me onto his shoulder, and then climb the scaffold to lay me on the platform.  After he got down, some words might be said, and then the whole thing would be set on fire.

  Of course, that was pretty much if I died young.  It might be difficult if my best friend at the time is about 70 years old.  It was basically a fantasy scenario, so it ain't gonna happen.

  There are certain things in life that I believe you should never have to pay for, and dying is one of them, though, I guess technically it's the disposal of a dead body.

  I watched an episode of POV, on PBS, called A Family Undertaking.  I was surprised to find out how many states allow you to claim the body from the morgue and bury it in your own property.  You can still keep the body in your house for viewing for a certain number of days.

  Actually, I'm not sure if there is an actual limit, but I suspect there would be.  Still all this is without the body being embalmed, unless that's changed since the show was aired, or it may depend on your state.

  While my primary goal would be to have absolutely no money spent on me, I would also prefer that my corpse be of some use, so I'm think about being donated to science.  That is to say having what's left of me donated, after doctors have harvested any useful organs.

  I'm unable to donate blood, because I have a high sugar content.  I even went a week without eating any sweets of any kind, and I still had too much sugar in my blood.  So I left wondering if my organs would even be usuable for transplant.  I don't know quite enough about that area of biology.

  Still, if any of my organs can be transplanted to help someone else, then great, an let the rest be used for study, experimentation, pranks, and the carpool lane.  There's always forensic body farms.

  I must say, that I'd rather my body not be used to practice plastic surgery unless it's reconstructive.  You know, something actually medical, or to put someone back to their original appearance.

  However, if my family would rather go another way, then it's not like I'd be able to do anything about it, so... whatever.  Just make sure they know.

  Funerals are for the living.  I first heard that, or should I say, read that, in one of my Eric Van Lustbader books.  For me, funerals are just another ceremony, and ceremonies are just shows.  I didn't even want to go to my own high school graduation, and I still don't feel thankful that I went.  "If you don't go, you'll regret it later." Pfftt.  But I digress.

  No, just do whatever cost the less; preferably what costs nothing.  Actually, if there's some way my family could get some cash for my corpse, I say go for it.

  I'm the kind of guy who, if I was in some kind of battle and died, would say to my fellow soldiers, feel free to use my corpse as a body shield.  Do something useful with me if you can.

  Seriously, if burial is the only option, then I've got a carboard box over here.  Take the computer moniter out of it, break whatever of my bones you need to, and then stuff me into it and tape it up.

  But, if they don't want to damage me further, and they insist on a real coffin, at least pose me like I want.  First of all, if I'm in for the big sleep, then I better be buried in nothing but my underwear, and lay me on my stomache.  Or if that doesn't appeal, then put me in jeans and one of my t-shirts.  Just don't put me in some kind of suit.  I so dislike formal wear.