So, we had the memorial service, today.  Technically, this is the first of two.  She'll be traveling to Mississippi for a second one and then be buried there.

  Funerals are pretty much 99% a waste of my time.  The 1% represents my ounce of curiosity about what will actually happen at them.  I'd say this one turned out better than I had anticipated.

  My mother and a few other relatives chose some songs to be put onto a CD for the service, but the disc did not work in the given player, for whatever reason.  I'm calling that a good thing, since it was 40 minutes worth of music that I didn't want to sit through.  It was bad enough that there were two songs performed, and that there were extended pauses that seemed to serve no practical purpose.

  Mainly, the service ended up being shorter than planned, though I would have preferred it be much shorter.  The whole concept of the CD seems a little odd, to me, but the full extent of it did not kick in until after, when my mother said she would like to make copies for the pallbearers and anyone who would like one.  First thought?  Grandma's Memorial: The Soundtrack.  Except that none of the songs were actually played.  Nobody thought to make any t-shirts.  Grandma's Memorial Tour 2006.

  I'm saying "Grandma's" because she my grandmother, and I'm not going to be giving her real name.  Speaking of names, when the pastor gave the names of the family members (parents, siblings, children, grandchildren), he gave me her last name, instead of my own.  At least something interesting happened.

  I'd really like to witness my own memorial service, if there would be one.  I want to know what it looks like, who shows up, what is said.  I want to know what crap gets exaggerated, omitted, and what ends up being outright wrong.  With any luck, if I ever get married, and die before my wife, she will be able to successfully keep crap like that from happening.  She won't leave that stuff to other people.

  Grandma's coffin was white.  I was thinking, it might be pretty cool to have a white coffin and a cup of black markers standing by so that when people walked by to view my unnatural-looking body, they could autograph my casket.  I don't really have any point to that concept.  It just seemed neat.

  And then there's all the people who want to say they're sorry and offer their condolences.  Having to give my attention to something that is of no value to me.  You're sorry.  Thank you.  It does not serve me in the slightest, but okay.  You cared for her.  That's nice.  So did a whole lot of other people who decided to not bother me.  I just wish I could wear a sign that says "I don't have the slightest problem dealing with death or the loss of family members.  Please move on."

  But if that's what they feel they need to do, then so be it.

  Here's another idea I had for my memorial service and/or funeral: a me-themed carnival.  Have me-themed booth games with my less "special" belongings as prizes.  I just really don't want my memorial and funeral to be so freaking boring.  Same for if I should ever have a wedding ceremony in front of an audience.

  I've been to weddings and I've been to funerals, and they bore the hell out of me.  These shows are usually always an affront to theater.  I guess that's why the audience doesn't have to pay to get in.  Instead, they have to be bribed with food and drink at a reception party.

  But anyway, there's just so damn much we do to try to impress other people and ourselves.  'Look at me!  I care.  I Care!'  'Just in case my actions were inadequate, I thought I should say something as well.'  Well, then some part of you isn't being honest, especially with yourself.

  This is partly why I don't go around bathing people in compliments and superficial sentiment.  I rarely even say hi to people when I see them, unless they greet me first.

  Yes, I see you there, and you looked right at me as well.  I know you're there.  You know I'm here.  I don't have any practical need to interact with you, and since you don't mean anything to me personally, I definitely don't have any emotional need to interact with you.  If you have a specific issue to address with me, then by all means, speak your piece and I'll do what I can.  Otherwise, I'd rather you didn't waste my time.

  I'm not anti-social.  I'm just not needlessly social.