I was watching an episode of Numbers in which a main character was concerned by his (in my words) decreased sensitivity people being murdered.  Another character classified it as being jaded.

  I looked up jaded, and I suppose it's accurate, but what gets me is the idea that not being overly moved by death (for example) automatically is a bad thing or automatically means something bad about you.  Granted, not being overtly affected by death and murder CAN be a result of not caring about human life or something like that, but it does not have to always mean it.

  Consider something that overtly excited you as a child; something about which you have long since lost that excitability.  It was new and there were things about it you liked, but the thing you don't typically realize is your own ignorance.  As you experienced that thing more, you learned more about it and developed associations.  It settled into its own little place in you life.

  Unpleasant things can do the same thing.  You learn more and it's less new.  You're able to view it more with intelligence.  If you're not as "moved" by something bad, then maybe its because you're just not so ignorant about it that it surprises you.

  Why view this as a bad thing?  As long as you are decisive about how you will deal with the bad thing on a practical level, then being emotional about it will serve only as a distraction.  Emotions are like a stop-gap measure compensating for ignorance and possibly lack of wisdom.

  Keep this in mind for yourself, but I especially recommend keeping it in mind about others.  If someone behaves in a manner which is not as emotional as you think they should, then consider that maybe they just know something you don't.

  I feel like giving some more props, today.  This time around, props go to Chinese restaurants, or buffets, to be more specific.  They understand that shrimp should be standard fair.  The only thing that should be special about shrimp is how many different varieties you offer.

  But I'm not all props today.  I do have a complaint or two, though it's about ethnic eateries in general.  This is how I feel: if you're a restaurant or buffet that centers around a particular race, country, or whatever, then ALL of your employees should be members of that race, country, or whatever.  Yes, this is purely aesthetic.

  When I'm in a Chinese restaurant, I don't want Pablo cooking my food and Rosario as my waitress.  If I wanted that, I'd go to a Mexican joint.  FYI: this does not apply to fast food places, like Taco Bell.  I'm not there for the ambiance, especially when I'm driving thru.

  So, when I'm at a Chinese restaurant, and happen to hear an employee's name, it better sound like someone dropped the silverware on the kitchen floor.

  Another complaint I have is when the Chinese food starts to loose it's authenticity.  You want to offer a selection for other tastes and cultures, then okay, but don't cook the baby octopus with jalapenos.  I'm not a food masochist, and how many places in China do think use jalapenos?  Gimme a break.  Do they eat much octopus in Mexico?

  As you might suspect, I ate at a Chinese buffet, today.  It's good enough place, jalapeno tainted seafood aside.  The have a decent variety, serve Pepsi, and at least 2/5 (according to my best estimate) of the staff are actually of Chinese decent.

  Still, gotta give extra props to the local Chinese buffet.  It's a small, family-ran place.  They may not have quite the variety of the larger places, but I think they beat them for flavor, especially regarding the fried rice.

  I like how they have a couple of booth designated for their personal use.  I like how the waitress will occasional stand at one of those tables and snap green beans when she's not busy.  I like that the other waitress's (sister, I think) kids are there after school and play with their toys in one of the "private" booths.  I like how that same waitress sometimes brings out special things they cooked for themselves but want to share with us (my father and me).

  For a while, I had a bit of a crush (I don't particularly care for the term, but I'll use it for the sake of convenience) on the waitress that has the kids.  It's been a while since that faded away.  Something I noticed is that I had an instant crush on her, it was fairly strong, relatively speaking, and then it faded after, I don't know, maybe 8 months.  I'm just pulling a plausible number out of the air.  I really don't know how longs it's been.

  Her sister (as best I can figure), however, I initially found less than cute.  Not ugly, by any stretch, but not up to my standard view of visual diggability.  After a while, I noticed things about her.  The way she reacted to things, ho she behaved to customers, the way she stood in wait, her general posture.

  More recently, I've noticed how she walks.  I like how she carries her entire body while walking, but something more specific that I have noticed is something that I personally find somewhat amazing and special.  Viewed logically, it's not really that special or amazing on any level, but it works in associations.

  She's as assless as her sister, if not more assless, but she does have more distinct hips.  The weird thing is to see someone assless walk with hip motion, but the thing that I think is just fantastic is that she does it without walking in a distinctly feminine way.

  I also dig her wardrobe.  She's got these cool looking jeans that flatter her, if you know what I mean, and she wears t-shirts that do some flattering of their own, BUT none of this to a degree which one would view as promiscuous.  It's casual with a slight hint of sexy.

  This crush differs from the other because, while the other was more obvious feeling, it was far more superficial.  She is very cute, despite her notable acne.  She has a very nice personality, but not exactly one I'm looking for.  And that was pretty much all there was to it.

  That's the way infatuations work.  They're strong, obvious, and ultimately a lot more superficial than a lot of people care to admit.  I suddenly feel like mentioning the divorce rate being over 50% in this country.  I wonder why I would feel compelled to mention that when I'm not talking about it.  Hmmm.

  Anyway, I'm by no means suggesting that I have any actual designs on this less superficial crush, but while I am keeping an open mind on what the future may hold for us (the word feels inappropriate), if this attraction I have, such as it is, is going to eventually fade, then I wonder how long it will take in comparison.

  Touching on the above, I sometimes wonder if I will eventually have a mate.  Understand that I don't say that with a lonely sigh, or any such thing.  I'm not exactly filled with longing in that regard.  Will or won't, I'm currently cool with either one.

  My curiosity has more to do with the fact that I'm not really interested in meeting new people in real life, I do like spending lots of time alone, and my work schedule can hardly be called a schedule since anything can pop up at any time.  It's not like I work from 9 to 5, and then have nothing to do the rest of the day, and then have weekends off.

  Short of some kind of on-line relationship blooming into something significant, or a drastic change in my work-style, I just don't see any matehood happening.

  I also think I have a little too much of a warrior mentality in that things like intimate relationships are distractions, and focus on the work is not fair to the other person.  I'm not much of a multi-tasker regarding my life.  I prefer to focus on one thing of significance at a time.

  When I picture myself in a life where I work, then I have no mate.  When I picture myself in a life with a mate, I have no work.

  I'm not really sure what you would call this.  I've found it in various aspects of myself.  If I do socialize, I want it to be one on one and in privacy.  When I watch a movie, I dislike interruption.  When I talk on the phone, I want absolutely no background noise whatsoever, though I rarely get that.

  Here's something you might find odd.  Unless I actually make a conscious effort to imagine otherwise, when I imagine having a mate, I have no children, and when I imagine having a child, it's only one child, and I have no mate.

  Using a mate as an example, if I am going to have one, then I want to, as the expression goes, give myself to her completely, and I want to receive her completely.  I want that purity, that focus.  When I imagine myself with a mate, there's nobody else, not even family members.  The rest of humanity might as well not exist.

  Speaking of warriors, there's something that bugs me slightly regarding how the morale of U.S. troops drops when they hear citizens and politicians say things like they're fighting for nothing or how it's all a waste (which is especially despicable when it comes from politicians who claim to support the troops).

  As bad as that is, it's not what I'm talking about specifically.  What bothers me is the fact that the troops are affected by it at all.  Understand that I have a higher standard for what it is to be a military person.  To me, a warrior is someone for whom all things war is the primary focus in their life.  To me, warriors have no spouses, nor desire them.

  So there's no misunderstanding, I'll explain what I mean by "all things war".  It's not being a warmonger.  It's not necessarily wanting war to exist.  It's understanding that humanity is not yet above war, and that war WILL happen, and for whatever their chosen cause, a warrior wants to take an active part in achieving the goal which must involve war.

  But there's more.  To me, there's a difference between a warrior and a soldier.  A soldier fights for a reason, but combat is not their life, so to speak.  They have goals that are beyond military.  They serve their time and then leave.  Soldiers are the tools of warriors.

  Warriors study war, strategies, tactics, skills.  Learning all things war is a lifestyle in order to improve their own abilities beyond the level any soldier could hope to achieve.

  But more importantly, because it is a lifestyle, they do it because it's like a calling.  They don't care who thinks they're wasting their time.  At risk of diminishing what credibility I might have, I'm reminded of what is often said about the X-Men; how they fight for people who fear and hate them.

  I would greatly prefer it if our military were filled with warriors so that morale would be a moot point.  The U.S. military may be the best in the world, but they could be so much better.